Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: The main job of the military is to provide the country's citizens absolute protection from both internal and external attacks. The other replied, Not me! What do you call a deer thats enlisted in the Air Force? One day, while out snapping photos, I was stopped by the military police, who asked for my letter from public affairs. The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense . I say again, stand down and divert your course. The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around the drone but not hitting it. 3. Altitude is life insurance. 41. Why Do We Celebrate It? Filed Under: Lifestyle, Veteran Life Tagged With: funny, humor, jokes, military jokes. Dont think so? Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. While waiting every one will come by multiple times except yours, 62. No one knows their way around sarcasm more than our U.S. troops. Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. This site contains affiliate links. Because hes a captain in the Air Force. After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base, in Germany, with my eight siblings and me, all under age 11. The other Sergeants noticed that he looked more relaxed than ever. He holds the bulb and then the world revolves around him to screw it in. Now, I was shy of six feet tall, but when our drill sergeant called for all six-footers to line up, I stepped forward anyway. Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 bomber that had one engine shut down. ! Again, no reply. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. Evidently, one of my classmates found the talk less than stimulating and fell asleep. When they landed, the pilot turned to Warren and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. WARNING: Tons of dad jokes lie ahead. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. Son, you are going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. Two Army second lieutenants started debating over certain distances. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. Next to your name, the sergeant said, initial it. Every military branch thinks that theyre the best, the most important, and in their own way the hardest working. ", The customs agent began his interrogation "Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband, or illegal drugs in your possession? P | Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent. But my fears were put to rest one day while getting into formation, which was determined by height. 2. In-flight Snacks Little treats sealed in a bag that can only be opened by using a chainsaw. 4. All images on our website are the property of their respective owners. Since it was a formal affair at a country club, I went in my officers dress blue uniform. Thats why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship. Im throwing up just as far as the rest of these guys.. The program was halted when, after years of research and millions of dollars spent, the spy cat was run over by a cab. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool. If you want it any closer than that, youll have to bite em off from the inside.. ", "Sir" she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now". He had the same plane as yours. 1. All you have to do is remove the dirt.. As for the rest of you, get down and give me 40 for lying!. Aircraft Carriers Airshows Aviation History Aviation Humor Books Civil Aviation Cold War Era Drones F-14 Tomcat Helicopters Losses/Aviation Safety MiG Killers Military Aviation Space SR-71 Blackbird SR-71 Top Speed U.S. Navy Warbirds Weapons Yearly Summary. I'm impressed! My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. Funny military jokes are a great way to bring some morale to our service people, so whip out a few of these military jokes at your next gathering of family or friends to get some guaranteed laughs. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. Their one extravagance: a bare light bulb theyd hung from the ceiling. One guy was reading a newspaper article from back home about a congressional investigation into why some troops were living in relative luxury. Do not use 27 packs of sticky notes to label everything in the barracks so the general wont have any questions during the inspection. In-dough-structible Long Haul "Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees", "But Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. On-time Arrival Obscure term meaning unknown, 63. Why is the United States Air Force the most patriotic military branch? I was cold is not a sufficient reason for being caught in the female barracks. Later, I spoke with Mom. His reply was quick and to the point: You didnt.. MARCH! Officer: Thats no way to address an officer! You do know that he could get ill from the bacteria on the toilet. Baltimore, said Dad. Please do not leave children or spouses, 14. This program is designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising fees by linking to Amazon. Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. "Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. Thanks. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. "They're all mine. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? Forty years later, Dad met the man responsible, and he told him how impressed he had been. Full Disclosure Here. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck. Stay out of clouds. As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose. 8. When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full Marine dress. In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. You might be in the Coast Guard if you abbreviate words so much that you forget how to spell them out. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. The military refers to a collection of all the armed forces of a particular country.. The fighter jet stops whining once the engines are cut off. A soldier and a marine were walking through the woods one day when they came upon a bear. How old are you? a tenant asked. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. All of a sudden, a lieutenant pulls up, hops out, and asks Is your car stuck sir?, The general climbs out, hands his keys over, and slides into the lieutenants car before saying, Nope. The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?, Without hesitating the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth! And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal, 22. Types of Rifles Every Shooter Should Know About, Rifle Vs. Military 3. A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. 6. Death is just natures way of telling you to watch your airspeed. Did it work? Yes, said the lieutenant. He nodded. During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing Humankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there. The modern age of military aviation is often considered to begin around the conclusion of the Vietnam war. Ive been sandblasted.. Basic Army training rules goes as follows: If it moves, salute it. Hey, Im from Chicago too!. August 15, 2021. Rodrigues there? The gunners very first shot sent the drone into the water! !An angry voice finally replied, My name aint George!. He snapped off a salute and responded, I dont know, sir! Turning to the sergeant, he asked, Gunnery, where is my foxhole? Cabin Attendant Two-legged mobile device for extracting cash from a captive audience, 56. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. An airplane! Read more. ", "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?". Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. Theres a post recall and he went to work. When the Marine finishes up, he starts to head for the door. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we landit's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern". As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. Passenger Cargo that talks or Self-loading freight, 58. There are so many funny military jokes and jabs out there so it took me a while to compile a list of only the best. Im 81 years old, he answered. They cant seem to string three Ws together. For example, heres what happens when each of them is told to secure a building. Aircraft Engineers 1. One night, he returned to the dorm in his perfectly pressed uniform, his newly acquired name tag in his hand. Whats the worst thing you could say to insult a Marine? We recommend our users to update the browser. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock all the doors. I wanted to join the Marines but I fell just short of their requirements. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. [Easy] How to Clean Rust off of a Gun Without Damaging it? What do you call a Marine that has an IQ of 160? (Sign over the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan). You should always use any of that variety of jokes sparingly. P | Engine noise at an unbelievable high level. Flight Announcements 4. Its got to be the Air Force because theyre U.S. AF! Whats the difference between God and a fighter pilot? Why, certainly, young man, he said, as he reached under his desk and handed me a large pair of bolt cutters. When they come home, they get to leave their inlaws thousands of miles away. The sailor calls out and says, In boot camp, they taught us to wash our hands after taking a leak. The Marine replies, In our boot camp, they teach us not to piss on our hands.. "OK Suzy" said the teacher, "please tell the class your. When our drill instructor demanded an explanation, the man bellowed, This recruit has proved himself worthless and weak and is being mailed home to his mother!. An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess" He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. Unfortunately, the sun was shining through a porthole right onto his face. ", Warren replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Joy fell out, but you know, fifty quid is fifty quid". While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position? You had tents?" The Soldier agreed, and when the Marine went to get his drink he started spitting in the Marines boots. The owner of this website does not guarantee offers on this site, and all offers should be viewed as recommendations only. If a baby joined the Army, where would they belong? You have plenty of time. Jack Girard. Either way, it is a simple gesture that will be sure to get a grin. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Problem: "Smoke in cabin." Solution: "Aircrew reminded fleet is no-smoking these days." Problem: "Bad smell in cockpit (B-747)." Solution: "Advice crew to wash every day." Problem: "Missile slow to leave rail." Solution: "Use a real missile. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. Its where we park the helicopters.. We were a tough group. One is a SEAL, and the other is an otter! While drinking their beers, the smart-ass fighter pilot decided to ask, How many did you end up catching today.. 14. He would never get on my nerves, because he would always be gone. aviation JOKES (random) Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. Why won't you kiss me? Heres what they came up with: Fish Food. What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I asked. Why does the military have a strict dress code for ceremonies and events? While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am" he said, "Do all these children and this luggage belong to you? Reluctantly, he showed it to me. A senior chief prompted his 25 sailors by saying, I have an easy job for the laziest man here. 9. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. Overheard on a flight into Regina, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight to control it. The U.S. Air Force chooses their hotels based on the stars. My startled classmate sat up and responded, Place a temporary filling, sir!. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it took . She also liked her scotch. Upon the Vietnam war's conclusion a lot of money was invested in creating the next class of aircraft. 130 Best Aviation Humor ideas | aviation humor, humor, aviation Aviation Humor 129 Pins 1y S Collection by STS Aviation Group Share Similar ideas popular now Humor Funny Military Humor Aviation Fuel Aviation Humor Aviation Technology Airbus Boeing Airline Humor Airline Reservations People Fly Flight Attendant Life LinkedIn Aviation Quotes Military jokes 291 Pins 3y D Collection by Devyn Scholtes Similar ideas popular now Military Humor Military Quotes Humor Funny Memes Military Jokes Army Humor Army Memes Military Life Funny Posts Hilarious Memes Humor Funny Memes Spongebob Memes My son is in Marine Infantry School and one of his best friends is in the Air Force Academy. Aviation JOKES. One day, the rain was pouring like crazy and a big puddle formed in front of a local pub just outside the Navy base. It works just like every other seat belt and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised, 26. One of the reasons the Air Force, Army, Navy, and Marines bicker so much is because they dont speak the same language. Sure!With that, he revved up the razor, clipped off my sideburns, and gave them to me. From the plane came a laconic southern voice: . However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from We were inspecting several lots of grenades. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. Its not weak, he replied. You might be a Coastie if you forget how to color coordinate normal civilian clothes after weeks of wearing only blue. How can you tell if theres an Air Force pilot at the bar? Everything from puns to some sarcastic one-liners are included in the Army jokes below to crack on an Army member you know and love. You had tents?, USAF: Birds Unless you can be Batman. You can always leave the joke in a funny mug, or a pilot mug if the person is into aviation. Theres a post recall and he has to go to work. While everyone was concentrating on the task at hand, I held up a spare pin and asked, Has anyone seen my grenade?. A LOOtenant! Only one. Fighter Training Manual Airspeed, Altitude, and Brains Two are always needed to successfully complete a flight, 7. Rodrigues? 38. While serving in Vietnam, my friend and his buddies were hunkered down in a mud-filled hole that had been dug into the side of a berm and covered with lumber for protection. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week" The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. Eat up! The official allowed us to pass without opening a single suitcase. Minimum Connecting Time Time it takes an Olympic Gold Medal sprinter to run between two gates, 61. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the A friend paid my mother a visit. We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. Since this can be an extremely stressful job for the pilots and a boring ordeal for all you lovely passengers, we have carefully compiled this list of funny one-liners about pilots to keep your spirits up. Take a look at the military jokes about the U.S. Marine Corps below to find some hilarious quips. Reply: No, I say again. Reproduction of any part of this website without direct permission is prohibited. USA: Choppers Takeoffs are optional. After a very heavy landing in Halifax, the Flight Attendant announced; Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. Keeping it safe for democracy. Lori Shandle-Fox. 1. A military aircraft had gear problems on landing, and as the plane was skidding down the tarmac the tower controller asked if they needed assistance. Economy Class Conditions under which transportation of animals would constitute a criminal offence, 57. "As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position", 18. Corporal Wabo is a former Infantry Squad Leader with 3rd Bn 4th Marines that specialized in Mortars. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance", To this, Warren replied, "Joy that helicopter is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. Whats the difference between a fighter pilot and a fighter jet? Put your hand up if youre the laziest., 24 men raised their hands, so the senior chief turns to the last man and says, Why didnt you raise your hand, sailor?, The sailor replies, It was too much trouble, senior chief.. A military private saying I learned this in boot camp Auld Lang Slice Attention! Then came Dads ships turn. The controller while working a busy shift told a 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft). Do not communicate with officers using only Madonna lyrics. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. How much noise can we make up here? Two thousand dollars a week, he replied. USMC: OHH! 7. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. She told me she warships them. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. The soldier immediately sat down and began digging through his rucksack. Nothing, she said. Soldier: Sure, buddy. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? This website is not affiliated with the United States Marine Corps, and the information on this website does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Marine Corps as a whole. Multi Engine Training Manual When one engine fails on a twin-engine aircraft, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash, 48. Halt! shouted our drill instructor. Thats Daddy. He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane, 20. The Marine insisted that since he was in the aisle seat he would get it for him. Emergency Checklist Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it. Whats the difference between the Boys Scouts and the Army? My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. 1. Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. Thanks.. Officer: Soldier. Good news and bad news, my instructor said. The c.i.a. Do you know where the sensor is located? my My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: Every one knows the definition of a good landing is one you can walk away from. Had a new guy conduct a boom test on a howitzer by yelling Boom! down the tube in order to calibrate it In this great little clip, an SR-71 pilot tells a story about flying around the Western United States to build up crew hours when small plane pilots started calling into air traffic control to ask . Sidling right up to the student, the speaker shouted in his ear, What would you do for a patient in the event of a nuclear war? The list below includes humorous one-liners and stories that will make your military friends and family members laugh like never before. During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. Bad altitude. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. To begin with, the U.S. in early 2022 had 38,500 troops stationed on German soil almost 40% of the total number it deploys in all of Europe. Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers: A. Why was the sergeant made when his son brought home an A in math? A lieutenant stood up and asked, Is that 24 hours our time or 24 hours their time?. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. She also liked her scotch. Six Triple Eight Film by Tyler Perry Is Coming to Netflix, Havana Syndrome Still a Mystery, but Foreign Involvement Unlikely, After a Storied Career, Paris Davis Is Finally Receiving His Medal of Honor, Here are 200 Remote Jobs for Veterans in 2023. He replied, When they stopped shooting at me.. He nodded. She approached one of the women for an explanation: What enabled women here to achieve this marvelous reversal of roles? Land mines, replied the Kuwaiti woman. How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? Soldier: No way, you guys had air conditioners? I asked an employee whether they still carried my deodorant. 8.3.4 Modern aviation history. Anecdotes 2. These jokes are perfect for anyone in the military to laugh at. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have, 16. 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. Turns out we were supposed to shoot around it, not hit it. Patrick McSherry. (Hang up. Killed bin Laden. What do you call someone who joined the military out of spite? Then one day I couldnt find it. 100+ WW2 Trivia Questions For HistoryBuffs, 17 Military Personnel Talk About The Creepiest Thing Theyve Seen OnDuty, 100+ Scary Stories to Read in the Dark to Leave You With Chills[2021], A Writers Diary Entries From Mid-April,1986, 30 Spooky Paranormal Stories From Former MilitaryPersonnel, You might be in the Coast Guard if people have looked at you and said, The Coast Guard is part of the military?, You might be in the Coast Guard if your child points to the ship and says, Thats where my parent lives!, You might be a Coastie if you head an HH-65 and. Being in the military is no laughing matter, but you know what can liven the spirits of those who serve or have served? I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. Hotel/Car Rental Shuttle Bus Vehicle subject to paranormal effects. He started this website while transitioning out of the Marines, and since has recruited several other Marines to help him work on the Marine Approved website. An Army Drill Sergeant took some recruits the the mess hall. My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. He says, Anyway, enough about me. I just shut down two engines, kid" came the sarcastic reply. And you also make me nervous when you visit.. 27. The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. 4. But before I could get out, he pointed to the other end of the building and said, The band entrance is that way. Gordon Van Otteren. Bomber Pilots Do Them Too. Ramrod straight, each would respond, Marine Air Group 36, sir or Second Marine Division, General. Then there was one young private. Shotgun: Comparison for a First-Time Gun Buyer, What Are The Basic Parts Of Ammunition? This class yielded some very famous aircraft, many we still use today. They throw out a pistol. 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition), How to Unregister a Gun in your Name? Hazing the new guy, he said with a grin. Now he likes peanuts.. One stated they would love to work on a submarine. R-i-i-ing!) What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? During the question-and-answer period, he was asked, How did you know the war was over? Members of the U.S. Navy are known to be a pretty sarcastic bunch. Why doesnt the Army football team have a website? My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. What do pilots and air traffic controllers have in common? S | Auto land not installed on this aircraft. To the Soldiers surprise, the Marine was laughing about it. Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. USAF Manual It is generally inadvisable to eject over the area you have just bombed, 6. In his free time, he enjoys hunting, hiking, running, shooting guns, and reviewing gear. It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. ", 55. My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. Two sailors were discussing which assignments theyd like to get. You can see why: Do you want to hear about my plane?. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. Military jokes! Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor Explore Education Career Save From scontent-mxp1-1.xx.fbcdn.net Military Jokes N Nawar K. 644 followers More information Military Jokes Army Humor Funny Photos Funny Images Aviation Humor History Jokes Warrior Quotes Stupid Funny Memes Hilarious More information . Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Waxing his plane A pilot got up bright and early, and told his wife he was going to wash and wax his plane. Unfortunately, the sun was shining Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. Caller: Is Sgt. One day, I was told As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. His son had clearly focussed more on dividing rather than conquering. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the lights to return to the airport, 52. But I had the last laugh. 'Never fly in the same cockpit. 3. But yours is..